I am leaving Delhi

I am leaving Delhi. I am leaving the proximity of my love who isn’t any more, JNU. How shattering to stay so close to your love and still be immune from its caressing touch! Though to not be loved back after an act of falling in self-denying love sums up a portion of my life, I won’t compare my level of patience for reciprocation from JNU with one from the rest.

I came here as a man with great expectations, after battling derision and ridicule from people proud of their ignorance. There were no reasons to not be hopeful. But look, how after six months of excruciating wait, she still says I need to do it more and doesn’t even state till when. Isn’t it the definition of evasion, of being nonchalant to what was an ardent, unflinching love?

Some would interrupt as if to correct me for conflating JNU with JNU administration and VC. I am not defending that tyrant and his team; he is a paragon of criminal indifference and is to be held accountable for most of the worst that occurred lately to the glory of the university. Someone, nevertheless, has to reply why some seniors are harnessing the moment for pimping the helpless to their tactics of ideological propagation. Why to compel in trade for helping, even by those famous for their moralism?

When I visit my love I fought so hard for,I am told I am trespassing.How fair it is! To be said I had come all the way to be called illegal.This humiliation for a mistake by her not me,is this just?

My love is not well. She is being throttled by combinations of forces, premier of which is known to all. when I thought of her, I thought of not just professors, library, hostels, sharp students, but no less of the air whispering in my ears from the moment I woke up, 'son, you have to get better to change your fate’.I had fallen in love with an idea and wished to be shaped by it.That idea I feel has been under serious strain.

I have given up on hope for my love to make my life better; that’s the possibility I have to work very hard for.She could have helped.she didn’t.I will be bound to virtual connection,which is more of a torment than communication inducing belongingness,attachment and motivation.

I look back to the day of arrival at Delhi.It was freezing cold but the beginning of spring to me; a beginning of something so marvellous as to replace each cell to have suffered a sequence of failures with what was to be entirely new and fresh. I could have stayed by promising my loyal labour for a roof to sleep under, but I am not going to. I am just not.